


Surviving by Instinct

by AnnaNSmith



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: M/M, Post-Episode: s03e04 Good D
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-21
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-05-22 10:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6076476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaNSmith/pseuds/AnnaNSmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Zero had kissed Jude, it had been on instinct. Almost causing him to lose everything. Sometimes though he forgets this is a team play and he's got someone who'll always have his back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Surviving by Instinct

The problem with decisions made in the heat of the moment is that they are decisions made in the heat of the moment. Kissing Jude had been anything but planned. It had been an idea that had formed in a split second in which Zero was defenseless against Jude's bared heart he was always wearing on his sleeve for everyone to see, and too often than not to step on, and in which he wasn't capable of being the one delivering the next hit. It wasn't pity. More like hurting Jude would hurt Zero just as much and he wondered when Jude had actually managed to tie thick, invisible threads between them without him even noticing the intricate web spinning around his heart strings. He didn't want to hurt. So perhaps Zero had been selfish after all when he kissed Jude, acting on emotion far devoid of reasoning. But when his lips met Jude's in a high of left adrenaline and conflicted feelings, he couldn't deny how much he wanted this for them. In a perfect world he wouldn't have rejected Jude so many times before for wanting an earnest and, foremost, open relationship with him and he wouldn't have denied himself the same thing for fear of losing everything else. Zero might have admitted that he was in love with Jude, but so was he with basketball, with his career, his easy, less complicated life. One can't have it all and Zero hadn't been willing to risk one for the other. Didn't mean he hadn't actually wanted to be with Jude. Both the Gideon and Zero in him. Because Jude had managed to do the impossible, he showed he cared for both of them, he proofed he loved both of them. Gideon as much as Zero. He loved the one that was hidden beneath layer after layer of protecting armor, too much hurt in life to reveal itself anymore, and he loved the one who put up the layers in the first place, taking hit after hit with clenched teeth and the ever present smirk on his face. So, yes, he had wanted this for them just as much as Jude, but life wasn't this easy. Even with both parties yearning for the same, situations make things complicated. Love wasn't everything. So when that wayward idea had formed, the repressed want in him had just latched onto it with everything it got and burst it into action and now he couldn't imagine this not being everything. For the moment, kissing Jude made Zero feel liberated, free of any shackles weighing him down and pulling him back, and, most of all, undeniably happy. It felt right.

But as said beforehand, life wasn't this easy.

The shift came quickly once the immediate exhilaration, liberty, lust, and the sacrosanctity was out of their systems and real life made a point of telling them that action had consequences and reminding them that someone had to suffer these. The media had been in a frenzy, some reports more sympathetic than others, the team was slipping in between reserved glances and biting words, and the reaction from outside was both as much devastating as it was supportive. Zero was benched for two games after an especially bad one in which he hadn't even once been passed the ball by his team mates and the derisive howls started echoing from the stands down the court both from their opponent's corner as from their own. Even though Jude had been under scrutiny as the Devils' EVP, if not for Lionel even losing that title, Zero had taken most of the blast. The ability to carry his team to victory was undermined by its very own members, which in turn left his role within the Devils questionable and uncertain. The comments were harsh with people even criticizing his loyalty toward the team for causing such damage with his coming out, which he should have foreseen in their eyes; though it was the Devils whose loyalty was greatly missed. Zero had acted out, frustration and bitterness eating at him. Jude was there. Always. Giving his best in trying to turn angry words into sobbing kisses and sometimes even sweet laughter.

Zero could see the question in Jude's eyes who was too afraid to ask and Zero was thankful for he was too much of a coward to answer.

Just after a barely failed coup by Jelena and Terrence to get Zero kicked off the team did his reputation finally start to recuperate. Ahsha had leaked a secretly recorded video between Jelena and Pete, revealing how the Devil's Girl blackmailed the coach into dropping Zero. The public didn't much appreciate Jelena's backstabbing attempt, nor Pete's homophobic remarks, and what had been weeks prior a force of carnage, was now the saving grace for Zero. Ahsha had been surprisingly supportive of his and Jude's coming out from the very beginning. One of the few who stepped up and excoriated discrimination and cowardice openly. And it was also her influence on Derek that had the team captain bring back order into the locker room and consequently to the court. It was by far not enough yet to turn the corner for Zero, but when an article was published illustrating Jude's past promiscuities and his unapologetic disposition regarding Zero's situation, the tide shifted completely to Zero's benefit as he was seen as the sad victim in a heedless relationship he had staked his entire career on when coming out. The rage was back though, more heated than ever, fueled by Zero's indignation concerning that more than falsely fabricated article. It was ludicrous to even consider Jude, out of all people, out of the two of them, to be the promiscuous one. Several men apparently corroborated the fictitious rumors, though all of them remained anonymous. He was helpless to see Jude being scorned and ostracized through it all. Even with Lionel having fought tooth and nail, the board pressured her to let go of him in the end. Jude accepted everything with a sad smile, insisting that it didn't matter. No agency wanted to take him after that and even though Zero went as far as beg him to just go back to be his agent, unattached to any office, Jude declined, arguing that he wasn't the right fit anymore, that with his reputation he couldn't be the best agent for Zero the latter needed. Instead Jude had taken a job as a promotional sales rep in a mediocre firm, so far from being part of the Devils, from his life long dream, that Zero bristled with anger.

“Don't. Don't tell me you're okay, because I'm sick of hearing it,” Zero said, getting up from the couch, putting distance between him and Jude.

“But I am,” Jude insisted.

“Do you think I don't know how you're being treated at the office? I can't believe after all these months they're still on your ass!”

“I don't care what they say. It will die down eventually,” Jude replied earnestly, watching Zero pace around in front of him.

“You don't even come to court anymore,” he said almost accusingly. Who he was accusing though remained unclear.

“I told you it's better that way.”

“For who?” He asked expectantly. Jude sighed, slowly getting up to walk toward Zero, taking his hand in his own once he stepped close enough to touch.

“It's fine,” Jude reassured softly. “Look at me,” he said, tugging gently on Zero's hand, waiting for him to look up. “We're fine.”

“This- this is not how I-” Zero wrung with the words, conflicted. “This is not how I wanted this to go! You weren't supposed to lose your job because of what I did!”

“No, no,” Jude protested immediately. “It's not because of you, this wasn't your fault.”

“No, it's that damn article's fault!” Zero bellowed in disdain. “Who the hell wrote that piece of shit? If it wasn't for the article you wouldn't have been shunned by the public and outcast the next day by the Devils!”

“Maybe, but you might still have been. It doesn't matter that it's fake, the article came at the right moment to help your reputation recover,” Jude explained calmly.

“That's just it,” Zero replied, pointing a finger symbolically. “The timing was just damn perfect. The public finally showed the first inclination of coming around on me and out of nowhere that article appears. It's almost like,” he trailed off, looking up at nothing particular, pausing before he turned to Jude again, not quite meeting his eyes yet. “It's almost like someone planted it to help me regain the public's sympathy.”

Jude watched him, waiting him out; he could see Zero still had something to say.

“I kept thinking who would even come up with something so stupid as you sleeping around LA. Who would dare say you were riding on my success, milking me out of my money, corrupting me, even manipulating me to instigate that kiss all in order for you to fuel your greed for money even more. Everyone who's met you for five minutes knows you aren't possibly capable of accusations less harsh. So who would make up all this bullshit? The only purpose that article had was harming you for my benefit. And the only person who would want to help me, the only person who would be selfless and stupid enough to come up with something so ridiculous...” He paused abruptly, taking a deep breath. “My mind can only think of one person who would do that.”

Jude remained silent for a long while, leaving Zero clueless as to what he was thinking. Zero wanted to hear it from him. He needed to hear him say it out loud.

“When you kissed me courtside in front of thousands of people, you don't know how happy you've made me. All I ever wanted was for someone to accept me one-hundred percent, to be with me. I don't know what had you change your mind, but I was so happy you opened up for me... I never thought I'd get to have this. But I never wanted for you to lose everything because of me. The one thing I was scared of most, was not you leaving me or hating me, I was afraid you'd come to regret your decision, regret that you chose me over your career. I love you, I want you to have everything. You deserve to be on that team, to be the best, to be cheered on by everyone. I released those rumors, because I knew the public would eat them up. Turning you into a victim was the best play to get you back on track again. And the best way to do that was by-”

“Was by making you the bad guy, destroying your career instead of mine,” Zero finished.

“Yes.”

“If you think this is what I wanted, it's not!”

“I know. It's what I wanted,” Jude responded.

“How can you just give up everything for me?” Zero asked tentatively but guarded.

“Because I'm happy with you. I don't need anything else. All I ever wanted was normal. As screwed up as it might look, you gave me normal. What you don't understand is that in spite of what everyone might think and say, I'm happy, because I have you. I am. I am so happy with you every damn minute of the day.”

Zero shook his head, unable to meet Jude's eyes, ringing with inner thoughts and emotions.

“I wasn't,” Zero said softly, as if the words hurt him physically to say out loud. He continued when Jude regarded him quizzically. “I wasn't happy,” he admitted painfully. “I mean I was with you, but everything else... I couldn't accept it, not like you do. It wasn't enough for me,” he conceded, tormented by that admittance.

“I know,” Jude replied earnestly, small smile on his lips. “And it shouldn't have been.”

Zero leaned forward, burying his head in Jude's shoulder. “You're much stronger than I am, you know that?”

“I can be for you. We're a team, remember? I'll pick up where you can't,” Jude replied, wrapping his arms around Zero.

“Team Zero,” he whispered; it was almost a question.

“Team Zero. Always,” Jude agreed. “I will never leave you,” he vowed, meeting Zero's kiss, tasting the sweet taste of salt on his lips.

The problem with decisions made in the heat of the moment is that they are decisions made in the heat of the moment. Sometimes they have consequences which could have been avoided by reason. But sometimes instinct was right all along. After all, life might have given one reason in order to make sensible decisions, but instinct was planted as a tool to survive.


End file.
